Its utterly heartbreaking to then witness and feel the wrath of a completely different person coming at you, causing such intentional hurt and pain. It doesnt seem like he wants to come back but Im afraid if he tries to that I will cave. In fact, they kinda get off on it. However, this is also common when the narcissist discards first. Take No Responsibility For Everything. her and the poor new guy were in each others arms days laterpoor him. No more drama or victimization. They see other people as mere tools to be used up and thrown out, just like yesterdays trash. I also picked up that he was likely using this to paint me in a bad life to his family & my son, look how angry/bitter/difficult she is & he was a saint putting up with it. I need to makeit clear right from the beginning that being discarded by a narcissist is not your fault at all. 6. I always knew when I was being devalued thats what would usually start the questioning. Look at it like this, you had to study for an exam and you putting so much effort into hoping that you pass the test. Im so very glad youve found some answers to rest easier. Im pretty sure he knows the jig is up as he has stopped stalking me on social media after doing so for 2 1/2 years and seven discards. Meaning after the toxic relationship has come to an abrupt end. In answer to your questionsyou may never get the answers you are looking for. Narcissists are famous for projecting their own bs onto others, then actually blaming the other person for the very things that they themselves are doing. You will then receive an email that helps you regain access. They may expose many of their lies and you will no doubt be able to understand the false storyline that they are portraying to others. My narc ex actively did this after the break-up. He was unfaithful in the 1st two yrs of marriage; with zero remorse about it. If you are feeling lost, confused, or devastated after being discarded. Maggie x (p.s. All of these feelings are normal after a breakup, but especially so after being discarded by a narcissist. I think I have just been too traumatized from all the years of abuse with my first narc, my childhood, other relationships and now him. Ask a question, get a great answer. Just reading this wisdom has made me feel a lot better about myself and given me hope. Instead, they highlight how they were the victim and how youll fail in every subsequent relationship. He wore my clothes for months, He has now gotten me evicted from my residence as there have been 29 police calls for noise disturbance and the apartments got a citation form the city for the police calls. I am sorry this happened to you. You can find support and understanding from those people, which will help you cope better during this difficult time in your life. Their false self absolutely needs to paint a picture to the world that they are the amazing one and you were the defective one. RELATED POSTS: Dating a Narcissist Divorce a Narcissist & Win Tips for Separating from a Narc Do They Miss You After Discard? Eventually, everyone disappoints them and the first person starts to look appealing again, and they reach out to her again for connection. This is the . You have very deliberately been programmed by the narcissist to doubt yourself at every turn. Analysis of the Silent Treatment: This psychological abuse tactic is sometimes executed before a Final Discard in the Idealize/Devalue/Discard cycles of narcissistic abuse. You will get through this. The strength and courage required is mighty, and the depth of sadness one of real grief*. His verbal abuse started shortly after the affair; around yr 2 of marraige. Their devaluations of you will increase in intensity. All you are is a supply. Tonight, I'm going to talk about the final stage of a narcissist. The feelings of hurt and loss are normal after being discarded by a narcissist. They are like hamburgers or tissues. Online TherapyPhysiotherapyDiabetesHypertensionWeight Loss / GainPrimary Care, Employers / CorporatesHealth plansDoctors / ProvidersTherapists, Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Refund Policy | Our Locations. The narcissist will ghost you and move on with their new source of supply and flaunt it all over social media for your eyes to see. This is usually because either: A. The greater and overall more significant outcome of going No Contact is that you are reclaiming your life, your freedom, and your joy. If I answered those questions truthfully, I knew hed get me into a word salad and the conversation would continue to escalate until I caved and he got the result he wanted. You may question yourself and feel like its somehow your fault that the narcissist discarded you. I know he wants to end things in person with me because he said he wants to have a serious talk in person and not via text. Narcissists are incapable of developing a deeper relationship through intimacy, a necessary component to a sustainable connection. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. on the bad points; cruel, vindictive,v manipulative, pathalogical liar, unkind, didnt love me, stingy, self centred, continually unfaithful, unloving, nasty, sexual deviant, evil, forever flirting with men ALL the time. This approach conveys: you have no value to me. Narcissists must control everything and enlisting Flying Monkeys is a big part of that. Light & love to you gorgeous one. If you do try to get back together, they will likely discard you again and it will only cause more pain and heartache for you in the long run. In fact, the more pain they see you in, the happier they seem to be. To those who have experienced it, the discard feels incredibly cold and makes little sense. When the discard phase comes around they dont even attempt to keep their lies straight. The decision to go No Contact feels like the only available choice because: These circumstances force not only the conclusion that No Contact is necessary for survival, but also the devastating understanding that there will be no closure. These are some of the most effective coping strategies for getting through this difficult time. Going No Contact offers the narcissist a golden opportunity to exacerbate your fretting over this specific concern. Youve got this gorgeous one. The whole game is based around you being dependent on them, rather than realising that its actually the other way around. This kind of love, as Jungian analyst Robert Johnson once said, is always directed at our own projections, our own expectations, our own fantasies . That is my body telling me,(please do not put me through this again) My healing is going well, my sleep is getting better, my concentration is getting back. Every new relationship is a countdown to zero, at which point they become bored and unsatisfied, longing for a new partner to enhance their self-worth. One of the initial symptoms of an impending discard is the silent treatment. As mentioned before, the initial phase of a relationship with a narcissist feels wonderful some describe it as intoxicating. Yep, the narcs point around No Contact, the silent treatment & ghosting all being about silence is 100% correct. The discard, especially the first one, is just a way of devaluing you as a person and exerting further control. It is cruel and a form . The silent treatment is just the first step though. Just as the name suggests, ghosting is a disappearing act. Do you think that it was possible the narc wasnt one in the early years, or was it just more hidden/down as serious delression (from his words) & though he wouldnt seek help for it! The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Youve got this gorgeous one. You realise the abuse has been ongoing, repeated, and unchanging for extended periods, often for years. Even though odds are that they are the ones who should be apologising, the feeling of being deleted from their world is so intense. Do you. You can now focus on yourself. This is my second narcissistic relationship and I had a gut feeling he was a narc in the beginning but stayed because I wanted to give him a chance. One is to prevent harm, the other is to cause harm. I have lost all respect for him as I know that he is unable to have a normal healthy adult conversation which means hes not able to have a normal healthy adult relationship which is what I wanted. The narcisist in my life was also my next door neighbour! Are you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this? The narcissist made you feel like you were their whole world, especially within an intimate relationship. If they continue to talk to you about the narc, beware that they may be a Flying Monkey for the narc. Waiting in a homeless shelter for my housing to kick in. Lets start from the beginning to see how we reach the discard phase. It is seized as solid evidence that you are one sick puppy, truly narcissistic! The intent behind going No Contact vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the drivers and the outcomes. *Note Of course, in looking at outcomes for you in enacting No Contact, only the immediate ones are put forward in this piece. This. Not sure how I found you, may have been a search engine. They avoid spending time with you, especially in public. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Even her parting words were hostile. I am with you. I've missed you so much!" "I'm so sorry if I hurt you. If one wont give me exactly what I want and I have the opportunity to upgrade to a different, better person (better is defined as higher in prestige), I will do it in a heartbeat!. Narcissists and smear campaigns: Why they do it. If you continue to use this site we assume that you are happy with this. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. It took a long time to get to that point its just not worth it anymore. His eyes went dark and were completely soulless and his vengeance was horrifying. You dont have to be though. But you must think that you can heal from this tragedy and have a wonderful future. He blames my daughter and her boyfriend. And, late at night when you are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you mustneverevertext them for any reason. Most often they will attempt to charm you and shower you with flattery. When the narcissist comes back believing they can reel you in again, let them know they are no longer welcome in your life. This new supply is totally validating their existence and they need everyone to see that.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_0',124,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); To protect yourself, you really dont need to be seeing what theyre up to and you dont need to be hearing through mutual acquaintances about it either. If they are getting their fill elsewhere from far better sources of narcissistic supply, they may leave you alone for a while. This is where people often find themselves apologising for things they didnt even do, just to appease the narcissist and relieve the feelings of pain, rejection and abandonment. He has acted cold and aloof the last couple weeks and I know its because he has found a new supply. She realised I know because I useda dna test on the baby and shes being nice now as in she feels better knowing it will be over soon. They simply do not have the capacity to love anyone. The reason they do not give you an explanation is that they do not care about your feelings. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs. It also relates to blocking indirect dealings such as via the narcissists flying monkeys. What happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Who Dumped You? If you live together theyll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. they will find something else negative to do with their time. This is textbook, and also what I went through while I dont have proof that he was cheating enough. To their mind, there is really no need to sully their hands with any unnecessarily unpleasant conversation if you are of no immediate nor further benefit to them. Thank you police! By this point, the narcissist sees no value in even giving you the time of day. Rather than seeing their triggers as something unhealed within themselves, their ego instantly throws them onto the outside world. When they are done with you, they will dump you. Just dont dwell on why this discard occurred. They have two children less than a year apart. The lies they tell you about themselves and yourself need consistency to remain believable. Unfortunately, even though youve seen the mask slip, others probably never will. a knock on the door, without looking i opened it and there he stood. The narcissist discard can be one of the most confusing, painful, and traumatic experiences a person can go through. He stoled my fresh start. It is the active prevention of interaction of any sort. You must admire and worship me as a God., You must pour an unlimited supply of energy into my empty void., If you try and fight back, I will punish you.. The details are vague, all they remember is that they want you to suffer. The discard can feel like a death and it may take a long time for you to move on from the experience. Not a good idea to reveal details to his wife. How To Deal With an Angry Narcissist? Other things were in place, and the disrespect was enough the silent treatments, the refusing to talk about minor things. The narcissist will continue to abuse the victim until they tear the person apart. The final discard for me was when our children, who were friends, had a minor fight. Narcs make it a daily effort to do the opposite of whats good. Regardless of the fact you are no longer in contact, if you fall for this they are still controlling and manipulating you. Ive been his walking mat, & he has no more use for me. Many of these narcissistic men are simply what I term trophy hunters: once they have gotten you, they immediately lose interest and leave to hunt someone else. You started taking it out on me! Even though I hadnt seen or recognised any of that within myself, he had very much noticed the strength building in me and took it as a personal attack against him. In this emotional and mental state, the victim may not even notice that the discard is just over the horizon. In the next step, the narcissist severs any bonds that might remain. All of their true traits will shine through because they simply cannot hold that mask up a second longer once theyve been discovered. Many take this time to apologize for perceived slights, anything to get the narcissist to open up and have a dialogue. In fact there are likely to be many pictures of the two of you posted on whatever internet sites they frequent because it is so important to narcissists that everyone sees you as the perfect couple. Their ego is on a rampage and will not risk being outed or revealed in any way. How a Narcissist Treats You When Youre Sick. The narcissistic discard can feel different for everyone who experiences it. You may feel the need to do whatever it takes to make everything okay again. Idk what his overall plans are, other than to divorce me. Your pain is real and you have a right to experience your feelings. Ghosting is a strategy used to discard you when the narc decides your supply no longer meets their needs. But what lies beyond this gross over-simplification? Last Dec. we lost our home. All of that effort will be directed at love bombing the new supply and extracting energy over there instead. 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